Nerves

I don't even know why I still get nervous just at the prospect of talking to you. You've never been anything other than welcoming and warm. The worst thing I've ever felt when walking away from a conversation with you is disappointment that it's over.

And yet.

Perhaps it's because the stakes, in my mind, are so very high. I've never wanted anything more in my life than I want to spend time with you. I've never needed anything more in my life than your voice. And I'm so afraid to screw it up.

But inaction can be just as bad, maybe even worse, can't it?

I resolved at the beginning of the year to make this year more about action and less about fear. The path is still ridiculously difficult to navigate, but… I need to find the way. Need to. And that isn't happening without talking to you.

So I will be overcoming my fear, swallowing my nervousness. We're already three months into the year of less fear. I hope I've gotten a couple things in… I thought the “statue of you” was pretty good. But it's so clearly not enough, not anywhere near enough. I need to do better.

I love you.

And I need you to know it.